The past few weeks I have been quite inconsistent. Unfortunately, I have been having a draining battle with my mental illness which has caused me to lose focus on most things in my life. All I have wanted to do is stay in bed and sleep. Everyday its taken everything in me just to get out of bed. I need people to know behind my smile and desire to help others lies anxiety, major depression, and seasonal depression. My three worst enemies.
I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at the age of 26, but I had symptoms way before then. By this time in my life I had survived many life changing struggles, but I believe years of putting on a happy face while struggling in silence took a toll on my overall health. I’m not going to lie, for the last 4 years dealing with mental illness has been the toughest battle I’ve ever faced in my life. There are always feelings of uncertainty, constant exhaustion, lack of motivation, lack of self esteem & self worth, hot flashes, headaches, chest tightness, teeth clinching, crying spells, muscle aches……. I could go on and on.
I believe people who do not suffer from mental illness never understand the extent of agony it causes. That, I believe, has been one of the hardest parts of this never-ending war. Comments like, “Just pray!”, or “Stop over-exaggerating!” only add fuel to an already burning fire. I need people to understand…ITS NOT THAT SIMPLE! It’s not something I can just turn off.
Last year I got my puppy Louis (pronounced Louie). He is my emotional support animal (ESA). Having him has made a huge impact on my life. He needs me just as much as I need him. It’s scary how he reacts to my emotions. I can have a horrible day, feeling sad and without a word spoken Louis will come lay his head on my lap or kiss (lick) my hand. He is there for me in a way no person ever could.
Be blessed and take care of your health….mental, physical, and spiritual.