Ayesha Curry: The Controversial Statement

Good day Friends,

I hope you all have been well. I still have not been doing much writing lately, but I wanted to touch on this very controversial topic.

As many of you know, Ayesha Curry, wife of Steph Curry, has been receiving a lot of backlash due to her statement on Jada Pinkett Smith’s Red Table Talk. Ayesha stated that she gets zero male attention. In my opinion the statement has been spun and taken way out of context by the media and people who have not even taken the time to watch the entire episode. I’m going to share my take on this subject.

Why does she want attention from males other than her husband?

I think this is the big question most people have. We must first look at the fact that she followed the above statement with “I don’t want it, but it would be nice to know somebody’s looking!”. The media with their quest to always establish a story created a drama that should not have even been stirred up. Ayesha lets the world know she is not looking for attention from other men, BUT just as any other women in the world, she still wants to feel attractive and desired. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to feel like you “still got it”. In order to understand, people would have to put themselves in her shoes. She is a mother with three children and her body has changed. She is no longer that young woman with the tight body. There are so many women in the world who think it but don’t say it. Ayesha is taking backlash for women all across the world.

Society’s Need to Judge

Unfortunately, we live in a world where people are so quick to judge rather than understand. We also live in a world where people go off what that see/hear and not what they know. As I stated above, many of the people who are scrutinizing her have not even watched the entire episode. How can you truly understand the meaning of someone’s statement when you are unaware of what was said or brought up before hand? We as a society have to start doing our own research instead of hopping on every bandwagon and believing everything the media/people tell us. There are so many imperfect people sitting behind computer screens or phones pretending to be perfect. Ayesha decided to open up and let the world know that she is a human and battles with the same issues as many women. People have said “what type of attention does she want?”, “why is she looking for attention from other men?”, “what does she expect men to do?”. My answer to all of these questions is….. you did not HEAR a word she spoke. She clearly stated she does not look for the attention but she still wants to feel attractive. Every woman whether single or married wants to feel as though they look good! Yes its one thing to get it from your husband, but what woman wants to go out all done up and turn not one head. We have to stop speaking and judging when we are on the outside looking in.

Most Men Will NEVER Get It

This topic can be discussed, evaluated, broken down to the bones, etc. and many men will still not get it. Men have an inability to put themselves in a woman’s shoes to understand what the woman is feeling or thinking. These men will always say “well I….”. She is not you; you are not her. She is not a man; she is a woman. Men have women throwing themselves at them consistently. Because of that, a lot of good women get looked over. I compare it to going out with a friend. Women are not even looking at you, but your homeboy is getting plenty of attention. Any man, or person, would begin to question themselves. Unfortunately, men never understand until they experience it on their own.

So What’s The Conclusion

After Ayesha’s statement, Jada quickly told her that there are men wishing, but she’s just not looking. I believe this is the issue with most women, single or not. We don’t always take into account that someone is admiring from a distance, or that a lot of men are passing us up because they realize we are not that “type”. Most men are not going to climb a ladder to get to the good apples when they can just pick the ones from the bottom of the tree or off the ground. I guarantee they will step back though and admire the ones up above. Ayesha is a Godly loving wife. Men know that she is fully committed to her husband. She is not out here showing her body and posting sexual photos. They don’t have a chance so they stay in their lane. I hope we as women can find enough confidence to boost our own self esteem.

So what are your thoughts on this topic? Please leave a comment below.

With Love,

Sade

He Hurt Me. I Let Him.

Hello friends,

Happy Monday. I hope you all had a relaxing and rejuvenating weekend.

Recently I was severely hurt by a man. This is something that I have been dealing with for the last 2 months and it has most definitely impacted the severity of my depression. Many of us end up in these situations because we choose to ignore the red flags. I am going to share my story today in hopes it will help you be more cautious with your heart.

I met him in a club (flag #1). He was handsome; tall & dark. The attraction (lust) was instant. That night he messaged me a couple times trying to get me to his place, but I refused (flag #2). I have never and will NEVER let a man take me home from the club unless he is my boyfriend, fiance’, or husband. At first I just went with the flow because I thought to myself, “He’s a joke & not to be taken serious”. This is where I made the biggest mistake because I chose to entertain a man with no intentions and set no boundaries.

We continued to converse and I began to become attracted to him in more ways than just physically. It seemed like we had so much in common and could have great conversations. He pulled me in with an image of him that was not real; I fell for it and gave him my body. Not too long after this, I found out he lied when he said he was single (flag #3). I confronted him about this and he lied about his situation. He said he did not want to be with her but it was more difficult to leave because of his child. I asked if they lived together and he denied it saying she’s just around a lot co-parenting. Well it wasn’t long after this I found out that was a lie as well. They were still living together and carrying on as a family. I felt robbed of my body because I allowed him to have me under certain conditions and those conditions were falsified.

So, do you think I left him alone or I continued to talk to him? You guessed it, I stayed in the picture.

Once I had all of this information I confronted him another time. This time he seemed so sincere and honest. He finally told me the truth; he was in a situation where he was not happy and wanted to get out. The sadness in this eyes caught my sympathy. He made me feel like he wanted to get out of his situation the right way and be with me. I believed him because I was blind. My feelings had gotten so wrapped up in him at this point that I chose to believe him.

Soon he also confided in me about his financial issues. He blamed the mother of his child for his bulk of debt (flag #4) and made it seem as though she was using him and not reciprocating what he gave. I could understand this. I mean we’ve all been in situations where people have not appreciated and valued us. So I decided to help him through his hard time with the impression I was investing in a future with a man who wanted to be with me, love me, and build with me. I let my heart, my kindness and generosity overpower my mind.

Time carried on and I was pleased with the progress he was making. He stayed focused on getting back on his feet and began taking steps to get out of his situation with the mother of his child. This made me feel confident that he was truthful now, BUT then things started to change. I noticed he wouldn’t come over as much. When I would text he wouldn’t always respond (flag #5). This is when I began to be insecure. I started thinking “what have I done? I’ve been there for him and been with only him. I’ve proven I care!”. I would keep asking him “Do you still want to be with me? Are you still attracted to me? Are you sure you want to settle down? Are you sure this is what you want?”. Each time he would respond yes…….but the communication continued to decrease. He said he just had a lot on his plate at the moment and he wanted to focus on what he needed to do in order to better his situation. Again, I ignored the flags and continued trying to make someone who had shown me they don’t love me….love me.

Everything eventually boiled over when things began to get good for him. He had found a great job, but this job meant he had to be away for awhile. I keep pressing him to spend time with me before he would have to be gone for 30 days, but my requests went ignored or there was always an excuse. Then I saw he was out of town and had blocked me from his Instagram stories (flag #6). At that moment my eyes finally opened and I saw it for what it was.

I was upset that he would rather be in another city than spend his last days with me. I just texted him a kind message that read “I think we just need to be friends. I’m getting to the point where I’m just not even wanting to try or look forward to anything anymore.” His response, “Alright, if that’s how you feel then that’s fine, We can leave things that way……….” Right then I knew there was someone else in the picture. It was as though he was waiting for me to step away from the situation so he could say it was me. The lack of communication, the excuses, dancing with other girls in the club, the lying….I had allowed myself to be blind to all these things until now. Even after all of this I decided to remain his friend.

About a week later his friend posted a picture of him with another woman. Of course I screenshot it and sent it to him. I asked him what was going on and he gave me the bullshit excuse that his friend was trying to make the mother of his child angry. In my mind I’m asking myself two things: If you really wanted to be with me, why are you trying to make your child’s mother mad & does this woman reside in the place you visited instead of spending time with me. I told him I know he had to be in that city with someone else and he said she was a friend whom he visited to celebrate her birthday. I let him know I did not believe that because they looked too cozy together. I knew it was a lie and at this point I was done. I cannot remember the last time I have felt so unworthy and self conscious. This man promised me he would not hurt me, but like everything else..that was a lie.

Fast forward to Valentine’s Day…. she posted him. Again, I confronted him. I was just so angry and hurt that I could not help myself. He again said they were friends and he was not ready for a relationship. Then he said, “She helped me when you gave up!”. I broke down and flashed out. He made me believe a dream he was selling would be a reality. He used me. He was finally on his feet and he chose to cut ties with the person who was there for him through all of his struggles and be with someone else. He threw me away like I was nothing after all I had done.

So here I am trying to piece back the the broken pieces of my self-esteem and my heart. For weeks I would look in the mirror and think “What’s wrong with me? Am I not attractive enough?”. I kept questioning what I did wrong? Why would he do this to me? The reality is the only thing I did wrong was give my time, body, and heart to someone who did not deserve it. For all that time I stayed so focused on the good in him and the dream that I ignored his true colors. I I opened myself to a narcissist and I had to face the consequences.

For months I supported him with everything he tried or wanted to achieve, I helped him financially, I showed him what true love should look like. He promised me the world  but instead another woman is enjoying the benefits. My heart still aches and I still cry from time to time but each day gets better. I am focused on my life and healing. I will find my peace again and this time I will not allow anyone to disturb that.

Don’t ever allow a person to make you feel guilty for bringing to light their inadequacies. Trust your instinct. Know your self-worth and never expect less. Love yourself more and protect your heart. Lastly, always remember that a man/woman can only do what you allow them to do.

Sincerely,

Sade

 

Mental Illness: The Constant Struggle

Hello friends,

The past few weeks I have been quite inconsistent. Unfortunately, I have been having a draining battle with my mental illness which has caused me to lose focus on most things in my life. All I have wanted to do is stay in bed and sleep. Everyday its taken everything in me just to get out of bed. I need people to know behind my smile and desire to help others lies anxiety, major depression, and seasonal depression. My three worst enemies.

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at the age of 26, but I had symptoms way before then. By this time in my life I had survived many life changing struggles, but I believe years of putting on a happy face while struggling in silence took a toll on my overall health. I’m not going to lie, for the last 4 years dealing with mental illness has been the toughest battle I’ve ever faced in my life. There are always feelings of uncertainty, constant exhaustion, lack of motivation, lack of self esteem & self worth, hot flashes, headaches, chest tightness, teeth clinching, crying spells,  muscle aches……. I could go on and on.

I believe people who do not suffer from mental illness never understand the extent of agony it causes. That, I believe, has been one of the hardest parts of this never-ending war. Comments like, “Just pray!”, or “Stop over-exaggerating!” only add fuel to an already burning fire. I need people to understand…ITS NOT THAT SIMPLE! It’s not something I can just turn off.

Last year I got my puppy Louis (pronounced Louie). He is my emotional support animal (ESA). Having him has made a huge impact on my life. He needs me just as much as I need him. It’s scary how he reacts to my emotions. I can have a horrible day, feeling sad and without a word spoken Louis will come lay his head on my lap or kiss (lick) my hand. He is there for me in a way no person ever could.

It is time to stop struggling alone and bring more awareness to mental illness. I’ve learned that if I just speak up…….. I will find there are many people just like me and I don’t have to deal with these things all by myself. If you struggle with mental illness, don’t let it get the best of you. Find help, go to counseling, speak with your PCP. Conquer it; don’t be defeated.

Be blessed and take care of your health….mental, physical, and spiritual.

With Love,

Sade

 

Stepping into the Thirties

Hello Friends,

It has been awhile. I have not been consistent due to many things that have been going on in my life (which I will address in the next post), but I am back and better than ever.

Recently I turned 30. There were so many things I thought I would do by the age of 30 that are still on my to-do list such as getting married, having kids, buying a home, traveling the world, etc. The realization is that we cannot plan our lives. Things happen, people change, and God leads us down different paths. This is something I had to accept.

I look forward to life in the “thirties”. I believe that your 20s are for making mistakes and learning; now I’m ready to use the wisdom I gained from my 20s and focus on the future. To embrace this new chapter in my life I decided to go above and beyond for this birthday.

30th Birthday Photoshoot

When I think 30, I think mature, sexy, but classy woman…this was the theme for my photoshoot. My make-up was done by the lovely Molly (@beatbymolly on IG) and my photos were captured by a good friend of mine, Wesley (@g.vznz on IG). I am happy to finally share these with you.

The gown was purchased from PrettyLittleThing.com. The mini dress and gold shoes were both purchased from FashionNova.com.

Denver, Co

The weekend before my birthday I traveled to Denver with 12 friends. We rented a beautiful home in the mountains Thursday-Sunday and just enjoyed the beautiful scenery. I wanted to have a nice relaxing weekend (with a little turn up lol), so I planned things to do at the house Friday. Saturday some of my friends went skiing and tubing while myself and a few others went to explore downtown. We did a little shopping, visited a cute little winery called Wild Women Wine for a wine tasting, and then ended with dinner at Bar Louie. It was an amazing weekend minus both of my American Airline flights being delayed.

My coat, pants, and sweater were purchased from FashionNova.com. The scarf, hat, and bag were purchased from Forever21 and I ordered the boots from MissLola.com.

Birthday-Day

On my actual birthday I planned a nice dinner with friends. I got all made-up and we ate at Kenny’s Wood Fire Grill in Addison (AWESOME FOOD!). After dinner we spent the rest of the night at a hookah lounge.

The two-piece set is from NakedWardrobe.com and the shoes are Forever21.

So there you have it. I’m 30 and ready to take on the world. Many women fear turning 30 as if it is the end of life as they know it BUT it is whatever you make it. It’s okay if you aren’t where you thought you’d be. Life is a journey and everyone’s path is different.

With Love,

Sade

Black “Girl” History Month

Dear Friends,

Welcome back for Day 20 of Black Girl History Month. Today I am shining the spotlight on Afeni Shakur. Afeni Shakur is most known as the mother of the infamous rapper Tupac Shakur, but there is more she should be recognized for.

Afeni

Shakur was born Alicia Faye Williams. At the age of 21 she changed her name to Afeni Shakur (Afeni which means “lover of people” and Shakur means “thankful). She was the Harlem section leader for the Black Panthers and was a mentor to some popular Black Panther figures. She was arrested in 1968 for conspiracy.¬† It was believed she and the Black Panther Party were conspiring to carry out bombings all across New York. Shakur represented herself in court, while pregnant with the Hip Hop legend Tupac, and was acquitted of all charges. Shakur passed away May 2, 2016.

Let’s celebrate this amazingly powerful woman!

Healthy Balance: Part Four

Good Evening Friends,

I hope everyone is having a great week so far. I’m here to update you all on my health progress.

The last few weeks I have been continuing my intermittent fasting and completing a cleanse. For the most part I have only been allowing one cheat meal a week butttttt some weeks I’ve cheated twice :-(. Overall, my weight continues to drop. I have not weighed myself in the last 2.5 weeks, but my work scrubs are baggy and I can fit some clothing I have not been able to fit for awhile. I’ve mostly been drinking juices & smoothies, eating salads (I love spinach, cucumber, tomatoes, and zesty Italian dressing), eating kettle chips and fruit for snacks, and drinking plenty of fluids. I have been doing horribly with water so I bought a few boxes of True Lemon to add in my water bottles. This usually helps me drink 3 bottles a day.

The only complaint I have is restlessness and breakouts. I’ve been extremely tired the last 2-3 weeks and my face, chest, and back has breakouts. I did some research on detoxing and these are both symptoms. I pray this will be over soon.

Below are three pictures for comparison. The first 2 pictures are from December 15, 2018. My dress was extremely tight around my arms and the cellulite on my legs was extremely noticeable. The last image is from Valentine’s Day. My waist is a bit smaller and my thighs appear a little more tone. Also, my face appears slimmer.

I hope you all are continuing on your New Year’s journey to health. I will continue to push forward and update you all as time passes.

With Love,

Sade

 

Black “Girl” History Month

Happy Tuesday friends,

Today is Day 19 of Black Girl History Month. Our black girl of the day is Marsai Martin.

Marsai-Martin

At the age of 14, Marsai has become the youngest person to get a first-look deal at Universal and the youngest to executive produce a film.

Let’s celebrate this beautiful, successful, young lady.